Thoughts

So I just finished watching the movie, "Julie and Julia", about a woman with nothing exciting in her life until she starts cooking all the recipes from Julia Child's cookbook and it started me thinking.  I am 24.5 years old and do nothing  I don't have any drive for anything.  I have the fleeting thoughts of "oh sure, I could do that" or "maybe I'll try that." but nothing concrete that I am running out the door to apply for that job or go back to school.  It's frustrating when you know are here on this Earth for a purpose but you just don't know what it is. Or rather, you aren't trying to figure out what it is.  I have the luxury to stay at home and be a 'homemaker' if I choose but with no children it isn't very fun or maybe just busy. The ceiling I keep knocking my head against is fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of getting out there and doing something. I always thought, growing up, that I would get married and have babies. Nothing exhiliarating like wanting to become a movie star, or engineer, I just wanted to be a wife and a mother.  And with one of those goals accomplish some 4 years ago and not ready for parenthood, I don't know what to do.  I have an amazing husband who loves me unconditionally and supports me in everything I do.  I quit my fulltime job in May of this year because of the crazy environment and people I worked with and wanted to take some time off and what did he say about it. "Whatever makes you happy." Whatever makes me happy.  I now am at the point where I need to start doing something or I am going to lose my mind sitting at home.  My goal is to get another job by the end of the year.  I am praying that I will be put into the right position at the right time and it is something that I will have an interest in.  I cannot sit at home watching Law and Order and knit all day.  I am not 80! :)  I will find something that I would like to do and interest me. That is my vow.